Audrey The Sociopath

Oct 12, 2025

This lady may or may not bee Audrey The Sociopath.

I was chased relentlessly around our backyard this week, by the angriest wee Audrey.

(Here in Tweddley Manor, we have a lot of bees, and as most bees are female, we’ve named them all Audrey.)

Mr Tweddle has 4 bee hives: Buzzywood, Honeywood, Boxywood, and BeeVerley Hills. And as each hive holds around 20,000 Audreys, there are usually a lot to be found in our backyard.

But they’re generally happy wee things, doing their best to get things done as efficiently as possible, and get back to the hive. They’re not interested in creating a fuss. They might buzz into the odd window or knock themselves out by flying into your arm by mistake, but mostly they're just busy with the business of being alive.

This week though, one of them completely had an attitude and decided to take it out on me when I was in the backyard.

I was out with the hose watering the flowers (which you’d think would please the tiny wee creature), but she completely lost her nut. She was buzzing into my hair, and dive bombing my neck. She didn’t want to sting me, obviously, because that would mean certain death for her, but she was very much threatening it.

So (after unsuccessfully trying to skoosh her with the hose) I did all the stuff you're meant to do when being threatened by a bee:

I stood under a tree. She followed me.

I backed into a bush. She waited for me to re-emerge.

I headed into Mark's workshop - no Audreys enjoy it in there as it's dark, and has the smell of chemicals. But this little creature didn't give a toss. She came right into the workshop - the very definition of audacity.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Audrey. I'm just trying to get on with my day. Don't you have stuff to be getting on with too?” I said.

But there was no negotiating with her. She was full combat - whizzing, and dive bombing, and generally being a pain in the arse.

In the end, I had to go back into the house until she found someone else to annoy.

And then I was pissed. I had been enjoying a perfectly lovely Sunday morning, until that wee fucker had ruined it. I just wanted to water my own backyard. Can't anyone go about their day without being noised up anymore? I mean, isn't life stressful enough?

Mark, who was still in the backyard, was fine. Sociopathic Audrey could have been dive bombing him and he wouldn't have noticed, as he was dressed in his bee suit, seeing to the hives. It's time to harvest honey. The frames in Buzzywood are full, so if he doesn't make room in the hive, they'll swarm.

And yes, it is possible that him pottering around in the hive might have been what pissed off Sociopathic Audrey, or it could just have been that she was completely an ass.

I put the kettle on and made myself a cup of tea. I thought about sulking. But there's something about sitting with a warm cup of PG tips, and looking out the window at Nature doing its thing, to remind you that life really is very short and we are all so very small really… and that any full-grown woman who considers themselves a victim because a bee has been annoying them, clearly has a fucking screw loose.

I guess everybody's dealing with something.

Later, when I went back out into the yard, I had a quick look around for Sociopathic Audrey. And yes, I did recognize that was ridiculous. Even to Mark, who absolutely loves his bees, one Audrey looks pretty much exactly like another. But there was no dive bombing. No angry wee shite flying at my hair.

Instead all was calm, and all other Audreys buzzed around contentedly, because despite the actions of isolated, small, angry creatures, there really is room for all of us under the one sky.

As I pottered around the backyard, Mark heaved a box of honey-filled frames into the house. Clearly, it was heavy. “The Audreys have been busy,” he grunted.

And he was right. The Audreys have been ‘40lbs of raw honey’ busy.

And so, this past couple of days, the kitchen of Tweddley Manor has been turned over to the honey harvest. Watching Mark clean off beeswax and pour the honey into jars, it is hard not to be a little humbled.

In the space of their entire lifetime, one bee will produce one-twelfth of a teaspoon of honey. One twelfth. In their entire life. And yet, here is Mark pouring jar after jar after jar, while the Audreys carry on their business in the backyard.

You see the thing with bees is that they only thrive when they're together. On their own, they're screwed (take that sociopathic Audrey), but as part of a society, working with what the world has to offer, magic is made. Abundance comes by working for what is good and accepting that each party has their place.

At this point on our historical timeline, I can’t help but feel it would be useful for us humans to consider that.

You know it’s very fucking hard not to let angry, wee, sociopaths change the way you view everything, because they’re so fucking persistent. But really, in terms of numbers, they are the exception, rather than the rule.

And as the bees could tell you, it really is possible for billions of lives to co-exist quite happily underneath one single sky. So maybe, just maybe, one day we will.

PS: If you post a wee click on the heart emoji to like it, Audrey may calm down and start to play nice with others - thats complete bulshit obviously, but it wont half do wonders for my algorithm.

P. P. S: If you enjoy talking/listening/stories/ random facts, come and join me and Mr Tweddle at Fish and Bear.

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