I’ve been reading a lot this past month. I'd like to tell you it's made me smarter, but I'm fairly certain that's not the case.
As you probably know, my preference in terms of telly or books is generally something where there’s at least one terrible murder, but nobody is that bothered about it really, and even though there’s a possible serial killer on the loose, there’s still a bake sale/ party/ amateur operatic gala or whatever. Cosy mysteries I think they’re called.
I like those kind of stories, because even though bad things happen, everything always works out in the end. And I think we’re standing at a point in history where the idea of everything working out just fine in the end, feels a bit of a long way off.
I've just discovered a whole load of them set in Victorian London. These are awesome because you can read them knowing women do eventually get the vote, and that nowadays it's no longer illegal to love someone who’s the same gender, and also because the killers in these books tend to be crazed stylized lunatics desperate to save their “reputation”, rather than sad, desperate people who've just had enough.
Anyhoos, what I have discovered in reading these books, is that I could never be the heroine in any of them, because I do not have a little button nose, or a delicate complexion, or ears shaped like beautiful intricate shells.
When it comes to noses, mine is more of a conk. There’s nothing quiet or delicate in my pallor or demeanor (unless I have a lurgy or a hangover) and if a lady is supposed to have shell-like ears, then mine are full-blown conch. They are large and flappy and are set adrift on either side of my face.
I don’t say that in a demeaning way. I'm good with my oversized ears. Perfection is overrated. Our oddities are what make us interesting.
When I was at drama school there was a jeweler’s shop on the walk to college and for a couple of months, they had an offer on, on ear piercing. And I have always loved a bargain. I have never been so happy to have big flappy ears.
I don’t know how many times my ears were pierced. Maybe four or five each side. I do remember it being rather impressive. Nowadays I operate on one earring per flappy ear. Like everything, gradually over the years, my ear adornments changed.
The rule of change is that it's constant and gradual.
Just five minutes ago my kids were learning to walk or just starting school. Now when I look across at them, they're full grown men. I just didn't see it because it wasn’t one single big change, but loads of little changes over time.
I was thinking about that last weekend when I held a book launch for Book 2 of Notes From The Valley. You see, I’ve now written two books, when I didn’t even plan on writing one.
One Sunday afternoon a couple of Novembers ago, I sent a note out into the Universe because I was missing my old life, and two and a bit years later, here we are, with these notes going out every Sunday.
I would have stopped a couple of Sundays in, but then my friend Catherine pledged money for me to continue. Then a whole cluster of other people did too, so then I wrote more.
Then my friend, Sharon, who reads these every Sunday, asked when I was making a book. So I figured I would. Then my pal, Fiona, asked when I was having the book launch. When I looked terrified and said I hadn’t even thought of such a thing, she helped me organize the book launch at her house.
The second book I wrote because my friend Sophie asked what color spine book 2 would have because she wanted to know how it would look on her bookshelf. So then I started thinking about book 2. And then we published it because I’d already done the thinking. And then my friend, Colette, said that I should have my book launch at her friend, Sunny’s bookshop. And last weekend I did.
There was no clear plan. There was no big Aha! moment. It was just one step, and then the next. And I realized that for me, that seems to be a pattern.
Back in the day when dinosaurs roamed the earth, the reason I auditioned for drama school was because I didn’t know what to do with my life but my friend, Rachel, was auditioning, and she thought I should too.
Then I moved to London was because my pal, Kenny, had a play he wanted me to be in and he knew I place I could live.
My pal, Karen, always believed I should do stand-up, and another pal, Kim, offered me actual money if I did.
Karen offered to produce an hour stand-up show, but I made a mistake and wrote a play instead. But then the play was pretty successful, and so then it was decided I was a writer.
No plan at all. Ever.
The only reason I moved to LA, was because someone made me an offer to work here, and Mark thought it might be a good idea.
Looking back I can see so many massive changes. But they all happened by just little steps.
And for a lot of them, I've probably just been in the right place at the right time. Though actually, thanks to my big flappy ears, I've been able to hear other people when they’ve offered up the answer to questions I was too afraid to even ask myself about.
The reason I’m telling you this is because when I raise my head from a book about a fictional world, to look at what is happening in the real world, I’m not currently thrilled with what I see. If real life were part of a cosy mystery, then this is the bit in the story when the serial killer is on the loose, and things are so scary they might have to cancel every future bake sale.
But as all great detectives will tell you, the answer to the mystery doesn't suddenly just appear. It's revealed in fits and starts, and is chipped away at until one day it is a mystery no more.
Similarly, the solutions to our greatest challenges don't just suddenly appear. Also, completely fucking annoyingly, they don't come as evenly spaced as clues in a detective novel.
But there are clues nevertheless.
In terms of real life, solution to problems, great or small, come in strange, oddly shaped wee fragments, that build like little brushstrokes into big fucking amazing pictures. Pictures that are both light and dark. That make you shudder and make you laugh. Pictures readily available in hindsight, and in occasional moments of clarity. Pictures that stand as valuable evidence as to how completely capable you are.
This is a difficult time. Pretty scary actually. But there will be a way through this. Because there always is. Don't fool yourself you need some giant miracle. Even the shittiest detective can tell you that's not how this thing works. It’s step-by-step. Little by little. And the journey has already begun.
There are limitless tiny wee misshapen miracles, ready to help you on your way. All you have to do is listen.
And yes, of course, that's easy for me to say. Everybody knows I have big flappy ears.
Xo
PS: If you click on the wee heart emoji on this post to like it, then my ears will do a wee flap of gratitude.
Volume 2 is available now: US, UK, Can, Aus
Audiobook link https://amzn.to/3Dh0MVP
If you do buy a copy, please leave a review on the site as it helps people know that I write in proper sentences… ahem sometimes xo
Now I ask, what good will come from this?
Usually surprised by the answers.
Absolutely wonderful. What a great message.💖💖💖