Picking Up Pieces

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The boys knew it was serious this week when the jigsaw came out. I'm not talking power tool jigsaw where planks of MDF are cut into bookcases or wee occasional tables or some shelving.

I am talking the serious, bad boy jigsaw. A 500-piece cardboard affair with a ridiculous picture of the inner workings of clocks on the front.

And yes ok, cardboard puzzles are generally not considered as threatening as actual power tools, but my boys know when the jigsaw comes out that their Mother is a bit worn, and the jigsaw is not the only thing needing put back together.

We’re not a particularly shouty house. None of us fare well with anger or rage. It always just makes us feel worse. We can be loud -oh Hell yes. Jeez, Lachlan, when he’s gaming is something else, or before Arthur goes out for a walk, he likes Mark to yell at him and to bark back before he'll even consider putting on a leash. Aside from that though, we’re pretty mellow. Obviously, in any family we have our moments, but we tend to deal with ours by having family meetings (I know, my 15 year old self can't quite believe I'm saying this either) by being open about when we don't feel at our best (which sounds so ridiculously wholesome, I’m almost giving myself the dry heave) and in my case, in times of overwhelm, pulling out a jigsaw.

I understand that some people meditate when they’re stressed, but those people don't have my head. Meditation only ever causes me to think more about what’s bothering me or to fall asleep. But with a jigsaw, my head has no choice but to switch off.

I remember explaining to Lachlan when he was younger that I was doing the same thing with my head as I was with the jigsaw: Emptying all the pieces on the table and little by little putting them back together again. (Yeah, take that, Freud.)

But, in this case of the jigsaw this week, it's not that I’m broken, but I’m a little overwhelmed by how often the world feels like it is.

You know, I'm no anthropologist, but going out on a limb here, I don't think humans were meant to wake up of a morning and for their first thought to be, “Oh ffs, what has that fucking orange lunatic done now?” And then the rest of the time be haunted by the sense that there’s a current global shift, that everyone who is not a moron can feel, whether they're practically affected by it yet, or not.

For us, we’re ok. I’ve always been someone with 417 things going on at the same time. I'm like the cockroach of the creative world, with my career path looking something like the inside of a Hoover bag. But for other people who've done everything as it should be done, it's been really tough, and I’ve struggled to know what to say to them of late beyond, “I'm sure it will work out.”

And just as I don't fare well living in an angry house, I'm not a big fan of living in a world of fear and sadness.

So I pulled the jigsaw out, and put the kettle on, and sitting down with a big fat cup of tea, poured the pieces out on the dining room table, and started to sort them out. 500 pieces to make up the picture of the inside working of clocks.

Honestly, you've got to wonder about who decided, “I know what would make a great activity for someone. How about we get some really tedious picture and cut it into hundreds of pieces, so someone else can put it back together again?” Human beings are bizarre really.

I do know that the first jigsaw was made in the 18th century, when some mapmaker glued a map to a piece of wood and then cut the wood into different pieces (take that, AI) so his students could put it back together again and learn about geography.

(BTW I do like that as a metaphor, because generally when I start a jigsaw, it’s because I feel a bit lost.)

What I don’t know though, is that when they decided to go from maps to other assorted pictures, why the random picture picker had to have such seriously awful taste. I mean, because, come on: Jigsaw pictures are generally bloody awful - like magical cats, or old cottages, or big horses, or stuck-up Victorian ladies with umbrellas.

(Honestly, I feel I’m quite fortunate getting the inside of a bunch of clocks)

Somebody gave me a jigsaw once that was a pile of wrecked cars -I’m not even joking- because nothing says relaxation quite like thinking of multiple car accidents.

Anyway, if there were ever such a job as ‘Jigsaw Picture Picker,” I expect it’s now defunct and in the hands of AI. And, to be honest, I don't know how I feel about that. I am conflicted. A jigsaw with a magical cat, a horse, a cottage, a stuck-up Victorian lady, AND a pile of wrecked cars all together would be completely awesome. But on the other hand, AI will devour everything. Or…. will it?

There's a statue of the Duke of Wellington in Glasgow. It's a very fancy affair erected around 1840 to mark the end of the Napoleonic wars. In the 1980s, some bright spark climbed up the statue and placed a traffic cone on the Duke’s head. And despite repeated efforts by the city council, he's been wearing a traffic cone ever since.

The council repeatedly take it down, and just as repeatedly, sometimes within days, sometimes even hours, someone will have climbed up there and put a traffic cone back. It's funny and it's brilliant and it's random and it's quirky, and it makes no actual sense, and that's what makes it absolutely perfect, and entirely human. There’s an awesome relentlessness to us.

Humans are predictable and completely unpredictable. They make stuff that's ‘the greatest ever made’ and then they make other stuff to outdo the stuff before. And so it continues. And every time they make stuff, it really is the greatest stuff ever made. Until it's not. Until someone sees it as ridiculous. Until someone puts a traffic cone on its head. Until some guy who makes maps, decides to glue one onto a piece of wood and cut it up in pieces. Until…

Relentlessness is at the key of the human spirit: We fall down, we get back up again. And anyone who isn’t convinced of that, ought to watch my youngest kid when he’s decided he wants a couple of Oreo cookies and there’s none to be found in any of the cupboards.

Anyway, I'm just about finished the jigsaw. What was once nothing but a box of rattling jigsaw pieces is now a … well, it’s a fabulous 18”x 22” photograph of assorted clock mechanisms, that I’ve no idea what to do with. But that’s beside the point because the area between my ears now feels a little more sorted.

I can tell you that, in building the construction, a lot of tea was drunk. And that the jigsaw was remarkably interesting, considering everything was basically a variation on the shade of brown. That’s because when you look at any picture more closely, there are all sorts of different patterns and shades. Lots of little hints to find solutions. Nothing is exactly as it first seems.

I also can tell you that my extensive experience of rebuilding pictures of magical cats and huffy Victorian ladies - and now, of course, the inside of clocks - has shown me that nothing is ever so broken it must remain that way.

It might take time and a bit of persistence. It might be that one day only one tiny piece of the puzzle becomes clear, but then the next day you notice loads of little things, and what to do totally makes sense. It might be that you think you've completely lost a piece and you're about to give up hope entirely, and then you find your dog Arthur has been lying on it. But each puzzle will get solved.

Apart from what you’re supposed to do with an 18” x 22” picture of the insides of clocks. That one is going to be tricky.

xo

PS: Every time you click on the wee heart emoji on this post to like it, somebody somewhere manages to find a piece to put in place on a jigsaw of a sulky faced Victorian with an umbrella. That’s a complete and total lie - jigsaws with huffy Victorians don't work that way - but if you click ‘like’ on this post, it doesn’t half perk up my algorithm.

P. P. S: If you enjoy talking/listening/stories/ random facts, come and join me and Mr Tweddle this Thursday at Fish and Bear. This Thursday we will be back a MacLeod’s in the Magical No-Kings-dom of Van Nuys. xo

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And because I am totally showing off - look, I have a book for sale. Written when I had two fully functioning arms - though no better grasp of punctuation.

Volume 2 is available now: US, UK, Can, Aus

Audiobook link https://amzn.to/3Dh0MVP

If you do buy a copy, please leave a review on the site as it helps people know that I write in proper sentences… erm sometimes xo

Picking Up Pieces - Audio